Published September 09, 2025 | By Alyx E, Founder of Collectors MD

I’ve always been fascinated by the butterfly effect—the idea that a small change in one moment can ripple forward, altering the course of everything that comes after. For me, that concept often became tangled up in my compulsive behaviors. My inner voice used it as a justification, a way to explain or excuse why I should rip wax or place a bet.

If something happened in my day—whether it was frustrating, disappointing, or even just unexpected—my subconscious would twist it into fuel. See? it would say. If that bad thing hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now, ready to rip. And if you rip, you just might hit. And if you hit, that hit erases the bad event. So maybe the setback was necessary to bring you to this moment.

It doesn’t really make sense. But in the moment, it felt airtight. That inner voice was cunning. It knew I was depleted, craving dopamine, and it whispered the perfect story to make the act of ripping or gambling feel inevitable—even logical. It was my subconscious bending reality, convincing me that every stumble or surprise in my day was simply part of the path toward the “big hit”.

The butterfly effect at work inside the mind—small triggers twisting into justifications for compulsive behavior.

Looking back, I can see it clearly for what it was: a mental sleight of hand. The butterfly effect became a script my mind used to rationalize destructive choices, a way to mask compulsion as destiny. But the truth is, no hit, no win, no shiny card could ever erase what came before. That’s not how pain works, and it’s not how healing works.

What does work—slowly, imperfectly, but genuinely—is recognizing the voice for what it is: a distortion. And then choosing not to let it dictate the next step. The butterfly effect may shape our lives in mysterious ways, but it doesn’t decide whether we rip that next box or place that next bet. Compulsion thrives on clever excuses—but recovery thrives on honest choices. Those choices are ours, and every time we resist, we reclaim a piece of the story.

And here’s the irony: if I had never hit my lowest lows through gambling and compulsive spending, I probably would never have come up with the idea of Collectors MD. I truly believe everything happens for a reason—that this is my calling. As dark as some of those times were, I’m grateful for them, because they led me here. And today, I get to do what I now believe is the greatest gift in life: to give back, to help others, and to transform my struggle into something that makes the hobby—and the people within it—balanced, resilient, and thriving.

#CollectorsMD
Sometimes the darkest lows create the brightest callings—struggle may shape us, but purpose redeems us.

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