Published October 02, 2025 | By Dayae Kim, LMFT, Collectors MD Referral Network

Building and maintaining trust is essential for any healthy relationship. For couples who experience anxiety, however, trust can feel elusive, even unattainable. Building trust seems like a daunting, life-altering decision rather than a gradual and intentional process.

But building trust doesn’t have to be overwhelming. It can be simpler and more approachable than you might think.

When trust is strained, many of us retreat into our own minds, spinning scenarios and assumptions about what our partner is thinking or doing. These thoughts can fuel feelings of anxiety, which in turn influence how we react toward our partner. Often, this reaction does not reflect what we truly feel inside.

Trust isn’t built in silence—it’s built in the moments we choose to walk beside each other, even when fear and doubt try to pull us apart.

In one of my sessions, I worked with a couple navigating these challenges. Early in their relationship, an incident led to mistrust and lingering anxiety for both partners. While they were committed to rebuilding trust, their anxiety often triggered defensive and judgmental reactions. Their words came out as jabs and accusations, but beneath these outbursts were unspoken feelings of fear, uncertainty, and pain from the past.

To help, I encouraged each partner to openly share their thought process. What was the first thought that triggered their anxiety and mistrust? How did those initial thoughts evolve into hurtful comments?

By verbalizing these internal experiences, the couple gained insight into each other’s feelings. This practice allowed them to let down their guards and hold space for vulnerability. In that session, instead of attacking one another, they comforted each other. They saw the pain behind the words and responded with empathy rather than defensiveness.

So how can we apply this in our own relationship?

• Identify Your Triggers: Reflect on the thoughts and feelings that arise when you feel anxious or distrustful.

• Share Your Thoughts and Feelings: Communicate what’s happening internally, even if it feels uncomfortable.

• Create a Safe Space: Build an environment for expression without judgment.

• Work Together: Use these conversations to address the root causes of anxiety and mistrust.

Building trust is about connection. Inviting your partner into your thought process, even when it’s messy or uncertain, is a powerful way to strengthen your bond. It’s okay to feel hesitant to share your struggles, but vulnerability builds empathy and deeper trust. Even when mistakes happen, your partner is more likely to respond with understanding because they see the intention behind your actions. Trust isn’t built in grand gestures; it grows through everyday choices to let your partner see and support the real you.

And just as trust is tested in our closest relationships, it’s often tested in the hobby. Collecting in secret, overspending behind a loved one’s back, or hiding financial struggles creates a distance that feels almost impossible to repair. Addiction thrives in secrecy—trust thrives in honesty. Rebuilding it means owning our triggers, sharing openly, and creating guardrails that let our partners back into the process. The same daily choices that make a marriage more resilient are the ones that make recovery sustainable: honesty, accountability, and the willingness to be seen, even in our messiness.

If you or someone you know is looking to start therapy or seeking a new therapist, you’re always welcome to schedule a consultation with me.

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Trust grows when secrecy ends—and accountability begins.

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