Published May 20, 2025 | By Alyx E, Founder of Collectors MD

There’s a quiet kind of weight that lingers when you know you’ve hurt people—especially in a space that once brought you joy. It doesn’t just sit on your shoulders. It twists into your gut. It whispers in the silence. It follows you from room to room. And for me, it’s still there.

I carry anxiety, regret, shame, and sadness over mistakes I made during a time when I was lost in ways I didn’t yet understand. There are people I let down. Relationships I strained. Trust I broke. And moments I would give anything to undo.

It’s like a dark cloud that never fully leaves—a quiet, constant reminder of the choices I made during some of my lowest points. Times when the compulsion took over. When desperation drowned out clarity. When the chase stopped feeling like a hobby and started feeling like survival.

And the truth is—I hate that I hurt people. I hate that I let it get that far.

But I can’t go back.
What I can do—what I am doing—is facing it. Owning it. Doing the work to rebuild, to heal, to grow.

That process hasn’t been easy. In fact, one of the hardest parts has been learning how to be fully transparent—not just in broad strokes, but in the uncomfortable details. It’s painful to revisit the bad choices I made. And even harder to speak them out loud. But if I truly want to make amends with those I’ve wronged, I know I need to stop holding anything back. It’s time to be honest. Completely.

Collectors MD has been more than a project. It’s been a mirror. A lifeline. A form of accountability. I started this movement not because I had all the answers—but because I had finally asked myself the right questions: Is this who I want to be? Is this the story I want to write?

My hope is that the people I’ve wronged—whether directly or unintentionally—see this for what it is: a genuine effort to turn pain into purpose. I can’t undo the past, but I can work every day to live differently moving forward.

To anyone who’s ever felt the sting of shame or the heaviness of regret—you’re not alone.

There’s a way through this. There’s a way to make peace with yourself. There’s a way to grow from the wreckage.

#CollectorsMD
You don’t have to be perfect to start over. You just have to be honest.

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