Published May 19, 2025 | By Brit F, Collectors MD Advocate

April 6th and $250.47.

These two numbers hold more weight than they should. April 6th was the last time I joined a break. $250.47 is what I spent on a break yesterday.

I slipped last night.

The day was fine—nothing major, nothing triggering. But somehow, I ended up back on WhatNot, just scrolling. I didn’t plan on doing anything, didn’t plan on spending a dime. But then I saw it—a break for 24-25 Topps UCC Chrome Soccer. One card, one player I’m chasing. It’s not even a player—it's a manager. I thought, "Just one spot. It’s not too much."

But one spot became two. And just like that, I was in.

"What am I doing?"
"It’s not a lot of money..."
"Dammit, you idiot!"

Familiar, right? That was my internal monologue as the break unfolded. And when it ended, I just sat there, quiet—staring at the screen, feeling the weight of guilt pressing down. $250.47. Money I could’ve spent on groceries, saved for something meaningful, or even used to buy the exact card I was chasing for less than what I just burned.

But this time was different. I didn’t just drown in shame. I remembered I had a place to go—a community. Collectors MD. A space where I could talk about this without judgment. Where I didn’t have to pretend this never happened or spiral into self-hatred.

I’m not broken. I’m not a bad person. I just slipped.

And slipping doesn’t mean failing—it means I’m still in the fight. We slip so we can pick ourselves back up, learn, and begin again.

May 17th and $0.00.

The date of my last participation in a break and the amount of money I’ve spent since then on breaks.

We begin again.

#CollectorsMD
Each slip is a chance to stand back up.

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