Published November 01, 2025 | By Alyx E, Founder of Collectors MD

We rarely see it in real time—but in the throes of addiction, and sometimes even deep into recovery, many of us become masters of distortion, quietly gaslighting the very people we love most.

It’s not always the obvious kind. Sometimes it’s more insidious—subtle redirections, deflections, or half-truths meant to protect ourselves from consequence. We justify it “damage control”, “buying time”, or “keeping the peace”. But really, it’s manipulation. It’s a compulsive attempt to manage the very chaos we’ve created—one calculated move at a time.

As addicts, we are inherently compulsive liars. Not because we want to be cruel, but because lying becomes the oxygen that keeps the illusion alive. We tell ourselves we’re protecting others when we’re really just protecting our addiction. We twist the story just enough to shift blame, bend timelines, and rewrite reality so it suits us. And when those closest to us start catching on, we double down—because losing their trust feels more terrifying than facing the truth.

The irony is that all our maneuvering, all our careful “chess moves” to stay one step ahead, only reveal how far behind we really are. We convince ourselves we’re controlling the board—but we’re really just scrambling, trying to rearrange the pieces before the truth surfaces. In the process, we erode the very relationships we’re trying to preserve.

When we stop trying to win the game, we finally start to rebuild the trust we spent years destroying.

Gaslighting is emotional theft. It steals another person’s sense of clarity and replaces it with confusion. It’s how our sickness spreads—outward, infecting the people closest to us. And even when we do it subconsciously, the damage is real. Every denial, every downplay, every “you’re overreacting” chips away at someone else’s reality until they start questioning themselves instead of questioning us.

When we apply this to collecting, the parallels become uncomfortable but undeniable. Just like in gambling addiction, the emotional attachment to material things—cards, boxes, hits, “grails”—can drive us to manipulate not only ourselves but those around us. We justify spending sprees as “investments”, hide purchases under the guise of opportunity, or convince our partners that everything’s under control when deep down, we know it isn’t.

Each lie protects the illusion of balance while pulling us further out of it. The chase becomes emotional currency, and when that’s threatened, we do what addicts do best: we distort the truth to keep the high alive. We manipulate reality just enough to keep the game going, convincing ourselves and those around us that each move is harmless, necessary, and even justified. But every small distortion feeds the same cycle we claim we’re trying to escape.

Recovery asks us to stop moving the pieces—and start admitting the game itself is broken. It asks for radical honesty, even when it costs us control. Because real healing doesn’t come from keeping people in the dark—it comes from finally turning on the light and facing what’s there.

#CollectorsMD
Gaslighting thrives in darkness—but recovery begins when we let others see the truth, even when the truth is ugly.

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