If you’re like me, you hear something is being discontinued and you immediately ask “should I hurry up and buy some?”

Enter The Penny. 

I’m old enough to remember the thrill of finding a wheat penny in our tub of change at home. I knew it was always worth a little more than an actual penny, but at the end of the day, how much are we really talking? 10 cents? Eventually it just got filed under “a cool thing to see every once in a while.” Like a buffalo nickel. As an adult, I now buy rolls of wheat pennies off eBay to bury in my lawn and use its copper properties to ward off mushrooms. The innocence of youth, now gone in the name of protecting plants that might produce seven cherry tomatoes this summer. 

I guess this is less of a collector story than it is a paean to the penny. Am I running to buy more wheat pennies? No. Yes. You’ll see. But I will miss the little guys, and I will definitely grab a handful of the final printing for my progeny to throw away one day, 100 years from now. 

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This leads us, of course, to the triumphant return of “Three Things I’m Buying This Week.”

Let’s get weird. 

1 Rolls of wheat pennies ($17 for 100)

There’s a surprisingly large amount of 97-98% positive ebay sellers in the “wheat penny roll” search results (this is a bad thing, for those new to buying off the platform). All I can tell you is I bought rolls twice from this person and they were great. Am I buying for nostalgia? Stocking up for a run on pennies as their end draws near? Have I simply planted more tomatoes? A Fickle never tells! 

2.  Rod Serling autographed check ($259-ish)

Call me old fashioned, but a holiday doesn’t feel right if there isn’t a Twilight Zone marathon. You sit there and watch episode after episode and realize how great of a show it was. Consistently. And the guy behind it all? Rod Serling. So the natural next step is, of course, to find old canceled checks from the 70s written out to random businesses. I feel like prices spiked for a bit but have settled down to about $250. Which now seems like a deal. 

I have bought a few canceled checks in my time, and they all focus more on Pretty Cool People From History and not so much “I can flip this for double the price in a couple years.” The check is an intimate piece of times past! People paying their phone bill and stuff. It feels noble to buy but weird to re-sell. 

3.  Topps “I Am Your Father’s Day” set ($15-50 on ebay)

If you order now you’ll get what I consider the perfect Father’s Day gift for the Star Wars fan in your life. There were two sets made — in 2020 and 2021. It was a brilliant play on words and some of the pairings were inspired. I have a calendar reminder every year to “check topps.com for Father’s Day cards” just in case they bring them back. 

One thing I’m not buying

1 A Tyrese Haliburton choke 2.0  instant card—  because nobody made one

Read the room, people! A Pope “instant” card sold a billion copies two weeks ago. You have an iconic tribute to the most famous choke gesture in sports, on a giant stage…and nothing. Well not nothing — there were custom art cards. And t-shirts. But there are cards available from the most trite of moments this postseason; why a Haliburton card hasn’t been made yet remains a mystery.

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Alright friends! I am out of here. Time to awkwardly shove more pennies into my dirt. And that is not a euphemism!